Definitions of beauty: there is no standard

3/9/2020

Photo taken by Aliyah Sop

Beauty is such a malleable definition for me, the way I viewed beauty today is very different from the way I viewed beauty 5 months and 5 years ago, and I am sure that 5 months or 5 years from now, my view today will be outdated for my future self.
Growing up as a first generation American in a home and environment with Cambodian refugees, my cultural upbringing swung towards traditional Cambodian views and beliefs. In Cambodia, the media only focused on white (light-skinned), thin women with thick, long and jet black hair. These women were the face plastered in the movies, music videos and billboards all around the country, a country working its way to recover from the very recent genocide. As someone who lived in the United States growing up, what I saw in the media here in the US and in Cambodia, these unrealistic standards of beauty strayed far off what I was seeing when I looked at myself in the mirror. As someone who did NOT look anything like what was seen in the media, the way other people viewed me really influenced the way I felt about my own body and appearance for a long time. Being no more than 10 years old and having aunties and uncles during family gatherings to tell me to stay out of the sun, eat less and play more really affected my self esteem and how I viewed myself for a very long time. Like Delali Bright’s Cultural Clashes in Defining Beauty Ted Talk, I was put on strict diets and was giving strict schedules on when to eat, how much to eat in order to maintain/work on the way I was rapidly gaining weight as a kid. When Bright said “I realized I let other people's opinions determined my joys and sorrows based on what the two cultures defined as beauty” I could really relate to her, this is how I felt at the age of about 13, when I realized that although I did not fit the narrative of the girls and women that I see in the media in the United States and Cambodia, I was my own type of beautiful. I am still finding it hard to completely love and accept myself for who I am, and I do think that it will take me awhile to do so, but I am so glad that I am working in the direction of acceptance and self love. There is no one standard of beauty, beauty is everywhere.

By: Aliyah

References:
Bright, D. (n.d.). Retrieved February 3, 2020, from https://www.ted.com/talks/delali_bright_cultural_clashes_in_defining_beauty?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

West , L. (2016). Are you there, Margaret, It's Me a Person Who is Not a Complete Freak. In Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman.

15 Comments

Kathy Luangrath

3/9/2020 11:49:20 pm

Hi Aliyah! I really enjoyed reading your blog post! I love the way your first started off your blog post as I personally relate to beauty being malleable! I find it so crazy, yet amazing how our perception of something such as beauty can change throughout the years. However, I am truly grateful for our ability to shape and alter our opinions and perception of things. It is so important for growth and change.

I also share a similar experience in relation to South-East Asian beauty standards. I found myself (still am!) impacted by the unrealistic beauty standards of women within the US and elsewhere. It truly upsets me that women are held to a higher standard than men in terms of looks and behavior. As you mentioned, I think it's important to emphasize that there is no one standard of beauty as beauty is everywhere.

Samantha Sinclair

3/10/2020 10:00:26 am

Hi Aliyah, thank you for sharing your story. It is hard to believe that many families think they are helping young girls by controlling their weight and teaching them what to eat and how to look. Those words stick with women and either perpetuate the problem for the next generation or cause negative body image.

Also, I have seen how your culture values beauty. traveled to Southeast Asia last year as well as 10 years ago. I stayed in Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia and Indonesian and I found that they idolized the Western culture including beauty. For example, most sunscreen and face products available for purchase there had ingredients that lightened their skin. I saw many women try to change their appearance to fit that American look.

haley barton

3/10/2020 01:57:46 pm

Hello, Aliyah
Thank you for sharing your experience with the way beauty standards impacted you. Growing up I similarly would feel that I did not live up to these standards set by society. I had friends who were considered to be “perfect” in societies eyes and I even had family members comment of how beautiful they were but would never hear them tell me I was beautiful. This had a major impact on my self-esteem in high school and I spent hours in the gym, and in front of the mirror trying to think of ways that I could be “fixed”. It wasn’t until I graduated high school and went into the real world that I started to realize that these standards did not matter. All that mattered was how I saw myself. And I decided to choose to see myself and beautiful.

Dezha S.

3/10/2020 05:46:46 pm

Hi Aliyah,
It is always nice and interesting to hear about these important topics in different countries or even from someone else's personal experience. I absolutely LOVE how even the doubts from your family, others and what you would see you still found the beauty in yourself regardless of what others said or looked like which is important because there is always going to be someone that you may feel looks better than you, has more or whatever but you have to find the light for yourself. I also struggled with self love and acceptance for years and I still have my "bad" days but I am coming more in terms with the way that I look especially in comparison of other women who seem to have it ALL while I am just here. So trust me I know exactly how it feels to have this battle in your head, depression and so on but never give up on yourself, remind yourself that you are beautiful in your own way and that you are worth it. I mean as you said "there is no one standard of beauty, beauty is everywhere" now we just have to believe that. This is one of my favorite post by far, nice job!

Marisol Bejarano

3/10/2020 10:14:27 pm

Hi Aliyah,
I understand where you are coming from becuase I also grew up with different views about beauty. Coming from a hispanic family the films showed these beautiful latino women with the perfect curves, tan skin, long dark hair, and big beautiful eyes. But growing up a was very skinny and everyone would tell me or my mother that I needed to eat some more, and eventually once I began growing up I began gaining some weight. Those same individuals then began teelling my mother that I was gaining weight and that I shouldn't eat so much. I think that no matter what people will always tell you that you should change something to look better, so now just remember as long as you're happy then you're perfect!

Mariam Elias

3/10/2020 11:07:08 pm

Hello Aliyah,
It is sad to see the people we love the most and the closest to us, judge us and control our lives. I don't think it is healthy to tell a kid what to eat and what to not and how they should pay a close attention to their weight otherwise people will judge us and say she is fat so she is ugly. It is NEVER a measurement. I know a lot of skinny girls who have ugly personalities. Beauty is NEVER defined by what on the outside, it is defined by what is on the inside. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to have certain feature. Everybody is beautiful and unique on their own.

Erica Nguyen

3/11/2020 12:04:54 am

Hey Aliyah,
Thankyou for sharing your personal story here. It really resonated with me. I've also had personal experiences with family telling me that I should do x,y and z and I'll be pretty and beautiful. I think because of the way they went about it was what made it take such a huge toll of my self-esteem and mental health. There's a thin line of offering advice that is useful and advice that is harmful - think constructive criticism. I hope we get to the point in this world where we can love ourselves and stop comparing ourselves to others. Again, thanks for sharing your story!

Megan Pintok

3/11/2020 11:47:39 pm

Aliyah,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and being brave about discussion your personal experiences with beauty and body image. Not only is it difficult to follow the standards of beauty that the media portrays, but also following the cultural standards that family members push upon us women. I can relate to the difficulty to love yourself completely and ignoring the standards that social media views as a "perfect" woman that society accepts. It is important that us ladies empower each other to accept ourselves and love ourselves, regardless of body type and looks. Thank you for sharing!

Savannah Compton

3/12/2020 02:59:35 am

Hello Aliyah,
I love that you took pictures and how it shows the different perspectives. Thank you for sharing about how you feel. I feel the same way alot and always have growing up because i was always alittle chubbier then alot of the girls in school. I think that social media, magazines, movies and tv have really bad effects on girls and womens body images. Women tend to see these images like i do and compare myself to them just causing myself to be upset. Growing up my mom, dad and brothers would always make comments about my weight. Even know i struggle with it even worse especially after having my second baby i have had a hard time.

Isha

3/13/2020 07:21:54 pm

Hey Aliyah,
Thank you for sharing your personal story with us, takes a lot of strength. I can relate your experience, my family is strict in cultural beliefs and that include they view beauty, what makes a women beautiful. To them, a women should have a full figure to be consider beautiful and this was confusing to me when I moved to the US at age 12 because the standard is different. Now that view have change in this country making it hard for people to define what beauty means to them. Thanks again for sharing!

Selena Sorn

3/14/2020 04:11:55 pm

Hi Aliyah,
I've also experienced family members telling me what I need to do to look acceptable. At family gatherings, I would be told to eat less and exercise because I was too "fat". They would say no one would ever like my because of my appearance and assumed that I don't take care of myself enough. This made me self conscious about myself, but I learned that beauty is different for everyone. Beauty is about perception. As you said, "there is no one standard of beauty, beauty is everywhere."

Raiye Abunie

3/14/2020 07:16:24 pm

Hello Aliyah,

I definitely agree with you as you mentioned how beauty changes through time. I can surely say that my definition or view in beauty has greatly changed from my perception of beauty when I was in high school. I've come to realize that through different cultures, and individuals we see this dynamic or definition change, this idea of beauty. Being able to love yourself and learn to love yourself, regardless of what society is portraying "real beauty" to signify is key to self respect and self confidence. I also agree with you when you pointed out that it's how a person is brought up to look at how beauty is defined. How rooted the families upbringing of culture and self identity is also take a part in this concept and how you were raised in loving yourself and accepting that "you are beautiful."

Great post!

Nhi My Ly

3/14/2020 09:02:33 pm

Hi Aliyah, I had similar experiences growing up. All my sisters and cousins were thinner than I was and my aunties and uncles would tell me that I was "chubby" to downplay their mean comment. I was super shy and had low self esteem. It wasn't until after high school that I felt comfortable being who I am. Of course there are times where I still feel self-conscious about the way I look, I always remind myself that we're all different and unique, that's what makes us special! Beauty is definitely everywhere and in the eye of the beholder. We all have different definitions of beauty and it shouldn't be judged on others. Thank you for sharing your post, I enjoyed reading it a lot.

Danielle Lee

3/14/2020 11:53:10 pm

Hi Aliyah!
I think the ways we view beauty, grows as we do. As we age and mature, we find new things that satisfy us. Satisfaction comes in different forms and I think beauty follows that standard. Beauty can be seen in many forms, depending on its focus. We are able to see beauty in people, places and things, which is why I strongly agree with you that beauty is everywhere.
I'm sorry for the pressure your family has put on you to fulfill media standards of beauty. I hope as you move on through your days you discover new pieces of yourself to love. Thanks for sharing!

Gellila Solomon

3/15/2020 11:18:43 pm

Aliyah,
Beauty has such a big range of meaning, especially if you are part of two different cultures. Being seen as beautiful in one culture may not be the same in the other. Thats exactly what I went through being part of the Ethiopian and American culture. At one point you go to just embrace both cultures and love all the good that they bring you. Beauty has such a huge range of meaning because its is ever changing within our community.

Definitions of beauty: there is no standard

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