My mom's empowerment

3/2/2020

My views of gender have evolved more than what I understood. I grew up in a rural desert town and in a traditional home. My dad went to work, my mom stayed home with my brothers and I until we were old enough to go to school, then she would work the typical receptionist or office assistant jobs. She married my dad at 19, did not go to college, and began having kids at a young age. She was responsible for maintaining our house while my dad was working all day, making dinners, laundry, grocery shopping, taking my brothers and I to appointments, all of it. My mom was a walking daily schedule packed full of tasks. I grew up watching my dad come home from work and not lift a finger to help my mom. He wouldn’t even put his dishes in the dishwasher-he would leave his dishes by the sink for her to put away. This is what I grew up with as my norm, what I understood a wife and mother’s role was while the husband was working. There was not an ounce of an equal partnership in my parent’s relationship. My mom also didn’t have the same power my dad had-financial power. She was dependent on him financially and he knew that.
My views on gender didn’t change until two things happened. First, I moved away from my hometown and started going to college at UWB. Taking classes here has opened my eyes and mind so much to how the world operates in different locations and the factors behind it. Last year I took a Human Rights and Resistance class which covered the countries in South Asia. That was my first really impactful come-to with gender inequality and how gender inequality has so many negative effects not just on women, but on society as a whole. The second thing that happened was my mom divorced my dad, and she has worked incredibly hard to create a successful career for herself. After not going to college, my mom was given a chance to learn how hospital technology systems work, and was given an opportunity to learn how to teach hospitals these new programs, write teaching materials, and help build the system through software coding.
(The photo I'm including is of my mom and I seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at the Oriental Theatre in Chicago, where she was working on a project at a medical facility!)

19 Comments

Jordan Tomas

3/2/2020 09:50:10 pm

Hello!

It was unfortunate that your mother did not have an equal partnership with your father, mainly due to financial power and roles within the family. It can be difficult to think of having a family with a significant other having equal power as you do when you grow up in an environment that does not empower both partners.

Despite all that, I think it is inspiring that your mother was able to work her way up to make something more than she was initially as a mother. It must have been challenging for her while raising you and your siblings. It goes to show that perseverance and determination are incredible qualities that can allow us to reach for something greater than ourselves.

Haley Barton

3/3/2020 05:08:40 pm

Hi Lauren,
Thank you for your post. You and I had a similar upbringing as my mom stayed home with my siblings and I while my dad went to work. My dad did more to help with the housework that what yours did but overall it was my mom’s responsibility. It wasn’t until my dad was laid off from his job that my mom had to go back to work and the gender rolls were suddenly reversed. My dad then stayed home to take care of the house while my mom worked full time as an elementary school teacher. This really helped me to challenge my gender stereotypes in a way that I am very grateful for.

Lena Angelica Camacho

3/3/2020 08:38:16 pm

Hi Lauren,
I really appreciate you sharing your own personal story with us on what shaped your views on the topic of gender. That's definitely not an easy thing to do. And I believe many of us witnessed the same thing growing up in the generation we did, but it's crazy to see how roles have changed over the years.

Jody Early

3/3/2020 09:05:11 pm

Thanks for sharing this, Lauren! Now I know where you get your tenacity! Your pursuit of education and being the strong woman that she raised likely also inspired her. As a mom, let me tell you how rewarding it is to feel awed and inspired by your own child. ;-) Mission accomplished!

Dolma

3/3/2020 09:50:26 pm

I never realized the importance of becoming financially independent but after reading the book "No Shame in My Game: The Working Poor in the Inner City", it became clear to me that financial independence is paramount.
It is good to hear about your mother's success and truly shows how providing the same level of opportunity to women helps them live their life on their own terms. Thanks for sharing this personal story of yours.

Allie Boyer

3/4/2020 04:03:20 pm

Hi Lauren!
First of all, great post! I really enjoyed reading. I related to your post about your mom doing everything around the house and your dad holding the "financial responsibility" over her as power. I grew up in a similar dynamic. Also, my views on gender changed dramatically once I moved to Bothell for college, it was like a whole new world. Since then I have loved absorbing all of the new information I have learned on our campus. Great photo of you and your mom, thank you for sharing!

Jaya Cross

3/7/2020 04:13:07 pm

Hi Lauren,

Thank you for posting, I really enjoyed reading your story and can relate wholeheartedly. Mothers have the toughest job, and it took leaving home to understand. It wasn't until my mother divorced my dad, was when she claimed her power back. My whole life my Mom has worked hard to set an example for my sisters and I to be independent and have a voice. Thank you for sharing again, mother daughter duos are the best!

Joo Kang

3/7/2020 07:41:33 pm

I do believe that moms who work at home are empowering too because I can't imagine having no break, always supporting family 24hr, no ending shift! And yes, even though I grew up from Asian culture family household, I realized this isn't about ethnicity culture but this is a patriarchal culture that places in the majority of communities. Because of that, women who housewife counted as less efficient but I believe their suffering for that family is unmeasurably important to us all. Your mom is such a strong woman who also encourages me that it is never too late to learn new things for yourself! Thank you for sharing such an inspiring story with us and you and your mother look beautiful <3

Raiye Abunie

3/7/2020 09:36:30 pm

Hello Lauren,

Much like your story, my mother worked three jobs while attending to the family and household needs. I had two younger brothers as well. My father also had a job, however being a non-profit job which he founded he was able to follow his dream job rather than an occupation which benefitted the family. I believe this is where most of my character comes from. You have a very strong mother being able to take care of the family needs and then breaking out of that once independence was gained from you and your brothers as well. Gender roles in society now have become very much of mix up however the inequalities still exist within society, and especially women in the workforce.

Stephanie Cruz

3/8/2020 05:45:23 pm

Hi Lauren,

I loved your post by the way. I thought it was cool to show us your family dynamic because this is quite frankly a common theme we see with moms doing more of the "dirty work" while dads go to work. It's sad because I also never ever see my dad do house cleaning work, but he does the yard work which my mom never does. One thing cool about my family though is that my dad is actually the cook of the house so that's something for breaking gender norms. I see a lot of these gender roles being passed down for generations and honestly all i know is there is no way in hell my husband is going to get away with not cleaning.

TJ Kapil

3/9/2020 11:14:48 pm

Hi Lauren, I'm glad that your mother was able to gain financial independence and not have to rely on anyone. I feel once you start earning your money you become more confident and feel you can do anything. I also do wish that more husbands would start supporting their wives and not treat them like some sort of servant.

Dezha S.

3/10/2020 05:53:06 pm

Hi Lauren,
Without going into much detail about your personal life I am so glad that even after being with your dad for so many years and having the same routine that she found her own strength and was able to leave him and gain her own financial power going against that "norm" or the man works and the woman stays home, cooks, clean and takes care of the kids. I glad that you were able to have a different views on gender while attending UWB, I've also learned a lot about different topics while attending UWB and it has changed my views on a lot of things. Woohoo to you and your mom & thank you for sharing!

Justice

3/10/2020 08:22:16 pm

Hi Lauren,
I know what you mean about gender roles. I can't remember when exactly I pinpointed it, but when I first learned about traditional gender roles, I was a little surprised. My dad was always the one doing domestic work around the house. He cooked dinner every night, cleaned the dishes, did all of the laundry, etc. While taking care of domestic work at home, my dad was also the breadwinner and was in charge of the finances in the home. So, my understanding of gender roles was skewed as well.

Marisol Bejarano

3/10/2020 10:21:09 pm

Hi Lauren,
What an amazing story! I'm glad to here that your mom has gottent he chance to change her life and it sound like its quite the experience. It takes strength and motivation to make those kinds of changes and i hope everything goes well! I grew up in a quite similar way so I understand how realizing the differences from home and the rest of the world works can be quite shocking.

Honey Cin

3/10/2020 11:29:36 pm

Hi Lauren,
I loved your post, and thank you for sharing your family story. I felt the same as you about gender. My view on gender had changed only after coming into the United States. I was born and raised in a country where gender norms are strictly practiced. Because of my culture and the society I was raised in, I normalized the idea of gender stereotypes. Today, I am very grateful to realize the importance of gender equality. By the way, you have a very inspirational and strong mom <3

Mariam ELias

3/10/2020 11:57:16 pm

Hey Lauren,
First of all, let me tell you that your mom is really pretty, so are you and that you guys look alike. Not only in how in look, but personality wise. Your mom is a strong woman who sacrificed her career and experience in life to raise you and siblings. And with you being able to noticing her sacrifices, that will make you a strong independent woman who learned a lot from her mother.

Erica Nguyen

3/11/2020 12:09:35 am

Hi Lauren,
Thank you for sharing your personal story. I found it incredibly empowering. Although I didn't grow up in a household like yours, my mom is still a figure that I look up to the most. Not only is she independent, but she came to this country with nothing and made something out of it. When I think about resilience and power, I think about my mom. Your relationship with your mom is amazing and it definitely reminds me of my relationship with mine.

Savannah Compton

3/12/2020 02:43:06 am

Hello Lauren,
I resonate so much with your post. I grew up in this same exact household where my mom did everything. She raised 5 kids while cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry and taking the us kids to our sports. I always thought that this is how a marriage should look until my parents also got a divorce. My mom started going to college luckily when they were married and became a nurse because she knew that she needed to be able to support her kids. She taught me that even though I'm married that i need to have a career and be able to support my kids on my own if anything ever happened. Thank you for sharing i really enjoyed hearing that i was not the only one who grew up like that!

Selena Sorn

3/14/2020 04:27:54 pm

Hi Lauren,
I think that it is important to talk about gender norms and gender roles. Growing up, I've seen similar gender roles in my family. My mom would come home from work to cook and clean. My dad would come home from work with everything already prepared. He wouldn't really do house chores but do yard work. It is good to see that gender roles are starting to change. Women should have the right to have do what they want and live in a world with gender equity.

My mom's empowerment

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