Not everyone wants to be a mother

2/28/2020

By: Dolma Sherpa

I came across this twitter post and at that time our class was focusing on maternal health and reproductive justice, I thought this would be a interesting topic to talk about.

Motherhood is a very difficult thing to handle and it is totally okay to not want kids. Women can still be considered "real" women and can be a functional people without being a mother. However, if your goal in life is to be a mother then you do you and more power to you. If you don't want to be mother then power to you as well! Because motherhood isn't for everyone and we need to stop acting like it is.

After reading “What is Reproductive Justice?” by Stevens, this quote stood out to me the most, “reproductive justice is a framework conceived of by women of color, defined by the core belief that every woman has the right to decide if and when she will have a baby, to decide if she will not have a baby”. This quote inspired me to write this poem.

Not everyone can be a mother
some can’t be one and some don’t want to be one.
But we are all still “real women” yet misrepresented
didn’t ask for your judgement but talk until your heart’s content.

For some, being mother defines who they are
For others, not choosing to be mother is who they are
What’s wrong? What’s right?
I will be the one to decide.

Your worth is not contingent to reproduction
Your body and choices is not up for any discussion
You do you even though life gets tougher
You are still stronger and bolder
even though you didn't choose the same path as other
because not everyone wants to be a mother.

Reference
Stevens, A. (2017). What is Reproductive Justice? Against the Current, 32(2), 8.

14 Comments

Allie Boyer

2/28/2020 09:40:02 pm

Hi Dolma!
First of all, thank you for sharing this. I love the art work you posted along with this, it is very powerful. It has become a social norm that women are supposed to have children. When women decide not to have kids they should not be shamed. It is so important to realize that is a personal choice and choosing either doesn't make you any less of a woman. I enjoyed reading!

Dezha S.

2/29/2020 03:12:39 pm

Hi Dolma,

First things first great post! I think there is this kind of "norm" set that a women is supposed to have kids and get married or get married then have kids. Then there's that question "oh do you want kids?" or "why don't you have any kids yet?" without even knowing if she and her partner are having medical complications with being able to have kids or if have suffered any miscarriages which is not always the easiest thing to talk about. Then there's those that just simply do not want to have any kids for their own reasons and I agree with Allie they should not be shamed for it because you absolutely do not have to have any children and people shouldn't make them feel bad for it. The last section of your poem is my favorite part and it is important for people to understand and respect women in whatever decision that make whether that is having their own kids, not wanting/having any, considering adoption or whatever the case may be.

Jaya Cross

3/1/2020 02:58:53 pm

Hi Dolma,

Thank you for sharing this post. I think that you brought up a very important point that being a woman does not mean being a mother. We have so many qualities and just because we choose not to have children does not make you worthless. I want to finish my career before I build a family, this way i am able to have my identity and still make myself proud

Nhi My Ly

3/1/2020 05:33:38 pm

Hi Dolma, I enjoyed your poem a lot because it lets me know that I am perfectly fine and capable of life with or without kids. When I told my friends and family that I didn't want kids, they were pretty shocked (especially my family). I am the type of person who likes to try new things, explore, and as long as I can do that with my significant other, then I will be content and happy.

Stephanie Cruz

3/1/2020 05:44:03 pm

Hello Dolma,

Loved your post, I agree that we should have the choice to chose to be a mother or not without being judged by societies expectations on women. I see this in my family with my sister. My sister is 21 years old and talks about not wanting children and my parents either feel like its a phase and believe she will grow out of it or that its odd and that they want grandchildren and make it about them. We shouldn't have to feel pressured to do anything that we don't to do. These social norms and expectations shouldn't be normalized and its sad that they are.

Danielle Lee

3/4/2020 06:12:42 pm

Hi Dolma!
Wow, I am OBSESSED with the photo you chose to use. I think being a woman is a really tough position and we have been mentally fed our whole lives to bear child to be complete. I think it is important to remind others that women have different goals. Thank you for sharing the poem you wrote with us!

Honey Cin

3/4/2020 11:51:28 pm

What a beautiful poem. Your poem teaches me and reminds me that every woman has the right to chose what they want. Your poem also reminds me to remember and respect other points of view, instead of making them feel the pressure. By the way, your poem is so matching with your art.

TJ Kapil

3/8/2020 12:18:04 pm

Thank you for sharing Dolma! I thought your poem was very good. I agree with you that a women has the right to choose if she wants to be a mother or not. If someone doesn't want to, you should never force your view on them because I personally think there is no right or wrong when it comes to this.

Erica Nguyen

3/8/2020 07:22:04 pm

This is a great poem! I was listening to a podcast a couple days ago by a youtube couple that I really looked up to. They spoke about having kids and they expressed that their followers were spamming them with comments about when they would have a kid. Long story short, they shared that they didn't want to have kids and they both were okay with not having kids. I liked what you said about motherhood and it resonated with me. If you want to have kids, then go for it. If you don't want to have kids, then that's okay.

Mariam Elias

3/11/2020 12:47:19 am

Hello, I really love your poem. It is very creative yet very true. It should be up to the mother if she wants to have a baby or not, it is her body, her life, so it is her decision. So many people don't understand that and assume that she probable can't carry babies or that she doesn't like kids. Or that she is not happy with her partner. At the end of the day, having a baby is an option and it is never a must or a mandatory thing to do or have.

Megan Pintok

3/11/2020 11:58:57 pm

Hi Dolma! Your poem is beautiful and I appreciate you sharing it with us. I love that you emphasize the right of women to not want to have children as not every woman wants to have them, especially when society views women as caring and possess qualities of mothers. Yet not every woman like children, are ready to have them, or in general just may not want to be a mother. It is 100% a woman's choice to have children if they want. The line you use in your poem "For some, being a mother defines who they are" this is really powerful as women go through so many hardships and expectations from others. Thank you so much for sharing!

Savannah Compton

3/12/2020 02:35:41 am

Hello Dolma,
At the ages we are now i see so many people asking us when are you going to have a baby? People ask this to so many women and i do not think this should be a question to ask. I know for me i struggled with having my first born and i was doing infertility drugs and just hearing someone ask that or seeing others have babies upset me because that is all i wanted. I think that motherhood is a big decision and it is not for everyone and that's perfectly fine. I think that everyone should be able to make their own choices without the questions or the judgement. This poem is so beautiful and i absolutely love it. You did a great job. Thank you for sharing!

Selena Sorn

3/15/2020 09:02:27 am

Hi Dolma,
Thank you for sharing! I like that you mentioned how motherhood is not for everyone. There is this pressure put on women in which they are expected to have kids. Even my family members tell me that I need to learn how to cook more for my future kids. This would often bother me because I’m not sure if I’d really want to have kids. Having a child shouldn’t define a women as there are many other qualities that make a women.

Angelica Estira

3/15/2020 04:13:24 pm

Hello! I really enjoyed your poem. I really enjoyed the last part where you said, "Your worth is not contingent to reproduction
Your body and choices is not up for any discussion
You do you even though life gets tougher
You are still stronger and bolder
even though you didn't choose the same path as other
because not everyone wants to be a mother." These things you mentioned are issues worldwide. And I feel that they are strong words. Not everyone wants to be a mother and that should be a choice they should make because it is their own body. A lot of people don't seem to understand that women's bodies are not up for discussion and for grabs. That women are their own being and they should be just respected as men should be.

Not everyone wants to be a mother

Leave a Reply.